Monday, November 24, 2008

59 - Time to stop?

So here's a question...at what point do you really stop "trying"? So we failed at CCRM, and today we are finalizing several adoption consultations. Does this mean I throw away all the OPKs and stop taking the prenatals? Or do I continue to track my cycle, continue to have timely sex (which Alex must arrange his flying schedule to be home for), continue with the prenatals...because, for the life of me, I can't see myself going on birth control. Do I hold on to that ONE story of a friend of a friend's who got pregnant naturally a year after several failed IVFs and the adoption papers were filed? Or do I truly let go - trash the OPKs, switch to a less expensive multi-vitamen, and try to get a healthy sex life back...which includes Alex choosing a schedule where he is home for OTHER things in our lives - not my cycle.

I have no idea. Maybe it's too soon to make that decision? But it crossed my mind this weekend - I know I was ovulating, and I thought, "What do we do with this information now?".

8 comments:

DAVs said...

I could've written this very post myself.
And I wish I had an answer. In some ways, maybe it would be easier if I had no female reproductive organs and thus no chance at all. Some of this I blame on all the people who have, over the years, given such advice as "stop trying so hard" "stop thinking about it" "file adoption papers" and of course everyone knows that ONE person who got pregnant on their own after years of ART...yadda yadda yadda. It all keeps that damn little tiny spark of hope alive.
Of course, your situation is even more complicated because of your husband's job...I never even thought about that.

OK, so I'm rambling. And offering nothing. Except to say "yep, I'm having these thoughts, too."

Why is every single blasted thing related to this so hard??

Anniep said...

I don't know.... for me, it was VERY stressful knowing every cycle that something *could* happen. We had 2 BFPs on unmedicated cycles. I was ready to start hormone replacement therapy, go on the pill, ANYTHING to get OFF this roller coaster. I just can't deal with living in 2 week increments and the 'what if' hope that DH would be filled with every month. He was the optimistic one, not me.

It's a tough call...

Emily (Apron Strings) said...

I think that every couple comes to that decision in their own unique way. Some couples set a time or age limit. Some couples just get to a point where they say enough is enough.

My Hubby & I didn't outright say when we were going to stop. We really honestly didn't even talk about stopping. It happened rather slowly, when I look back at it. One month I decided not to do the BBT. And then a few months after, I stopped keeping track of exactly when I was ovulating (even though I always had an idea when Idid). And within a year, we just stopped.

I think you and your hubby will know at one point when it's right for you. Trust yourself as a couple.

Good luck!

Lisa said...

Tough question. I know, it's almost CRAZY that after failing IVF so many times I would ever even consider that it could work naturally. I mean, aren't those stories, really just urban myths?? Do they really ever happen??? I don't know. I think it's so hard not to let ourselves hold onto that hope though. That maybe, just maybe. But in my case, I've recently learned that I have antisperm antibodies which means I attack and kill sperm. And DH has MF and the doctor confirmed his sperm would likely never penetrate an egg on its own. So between the two of us we are quite a pair. Makes me mad actually to think back on all the months and months and months we tried naturally. And all those IUI's. What a laugh.

But maybe you just never get over the hope that it will work, because even with the cards stacked against us and absolutely no chance, I still, have these thoughts that I can't shake.

notesforanewday said...

I was just pondering that same question this weekend. I hope, for all of us, that our hearts will know when it's time to put an end to this part of our lives. I think it will be different for each of us and that the only thing we can do is be true to ourselves. I would say follow your heart, do what's right for you, and trust that you know how to take care of yourself.

You're in my thoughts.

notesforanewday said...

Thanks for your nice note about Dr. Surrey. I'm glad to hear that you've had a positive experience with him. I'm curious to hear how it goes when you finally do talk to him.

notesforanewday said...

Oh, and by the way, I am a COMPLETE sucker for Whole Foods. I don't let myself go very often because I am like a kid in the candy store. I bought one bag of groceries last night and spent $140! How is that possible?!

Phoebe said...

It seems like the answers to some of our most burning questions come in their own time. I know mine have been slowly unfolding, but it's like a puzzle. A few pieces seem to fit, but I still can't make out the picture yet.