Wow - I haven't blogged since September 9th. It has been quite a ride since then. We are doing ok - functioning. We still don't feel like we did pre-IVF...we just feel this emotional heaviness. I'm not sure how else to explain it. Alex says he can tell I am sad. I think I went through a little bit of depression, but I feel like I'm on the other side of it.
The reason I say that I may be on the other side of it is that I have been taking steps the last few days to take charge of our fertility once again. I went through a period immediately following the BFN of doing things specifically counterproductive to fertility - such as having a diet pepsi and donut for breakfast. Let's face it - I was just mad at my body for betraying me, and therefore, I decided to punish it for a few weeks. I now feel like taking that energy I was using for negative behavior and putting it into something positive...
Many of you reading this blog know that I just started a Master's in Social Work (MSW) program this fall. This is a very academically challenging program - much more than I anticipated. My eventual, long-term goal (I'm talking 10-15 years from now - after a several years of experience in agencies) is private practice. I figure I've just added "infertility" to my direct experience hat. I am currently taking a course in US Social Welfare Policy. We just had to write a paper on a pending piece of legislation of our choice - I chose the Family Building Act of 2007 (currently a bill). You can find it at http://thomas.loc.gov. This bill basically states that insurance companies (under specific circumstances based on specific definitions and treatments) would be required to cover infertility treatments. Right now, 15 states have laws requiring varying degrees of coverage. Unfortunately, Michigan is not one of the 15 states. It is an interesting bill to read through if you have the chance. The thing I found most interesting was a statement under the "findings" part of the bill stating that "a fundamental part of the human experience is fulfilling the desire to reproduce". Amen.
The other thing I did today was join Resolve. This is the National Infertility Association. It is only $55 a year and provides a lot of support for the infertility and adoption processes. They offer local group support meetings which I plan on attending in October. I look forward to talking to others who have been through this and hearing about the paths people chose (or didn't choose) in their attempt to become parents.
I hope this finds you all well.
5 days ago