Saturday, January 2, 2010

100 - Our 25/38 baby

The significance of the title? 25 was my first beta on a Wednesday; 38 was the second beta on a Friday. I was given the option to stay on my meds through the weekend, but we had to retest on Monday either way to make sure it wasn't an ectopic. I reluctantly stayed on the meds while simultaneously digging out our adoption folder.

May I introduce to you our 25/38 baby GIRL! Oh my gosh - we didn't find out the sex during the pregnancy, but had strong boy feelings. Our ob consistently messed with us...always using the "he" pronoun, telling me to go with my "motherly instinct". He took it to the next level when he called our room to tell us good luck and that he was sorry he couldn't be there. His parting words? - "I can't wait to meet your beautiful baby boy". It was truly a surprise when DH announced "It's a girl!".

The birth story: We went in to the ob on Nov. 24th for an appointment. The induction was scheduled for Dec. 1st, and we were looking forward to celebrating DH's b-day and Thanksgiving and getting the last minute things done that weekend. However, I noticed that my blood pressure had begun to creep up on Nov. 22nd/23rd. In the office on the 24th, my blood pressure was 145/95 and there was an increase of protein in my urine, but our doc said that he was still comfortable pushing until Dec. 1st. We were just about to walk out the door when he said "Hold on - your platelets were 78,000 yesterday". This is pretty low - 100,000 is the cut off for an epideral and to be awake during a c-section. It was also an indication that my condition was getting much worse. He told us to go home, get our bags, and go to the hospital...that they would start the induction that night. And they did - along with a healthy dose of Mag Sulfate because my blood pressure was around 160s/100s by the time we got to the hospital. And by 10AM the next morning, there was no progress. When the doc came in to tell me that they thought a C-section would be the best option given my declining condition, I promptly asked "Where do I sign?". Anyone have experience with Mag Sulfate? I would have done almost anything to get off that Devil Drug sooner rather than later.

The C-section was a non-event. Seriously - if it wasn't for that Mag Sulfate, the whole experience would have been a lot less painful than I anticipated. Because of my blood pressure (it didn't go down right away), I spent 5 days in the hospital. It was fine, though. It gave us a lot of extra time to get adjusted and work with the lactation consultant.

Life at home is good - content. I have tired days - don't get me wrong - but the overall experience/transition has been easier than I anticipated. We are very in love.

I've tried to really think about why it has taken me so long to post the birth story. I think it is a combination of not wanting to do much of anything besides lay with the baby on my chest and gaze into her eyes and a little bit of survivor's guilt. I remember after our fresh cycle failed in summer of 2008 - shortly thereafter a few blog world friends had success. I would visit their sites, write "I'm so happy for you!", and then, while a piece of me was happy for them, I would feel immense amounts of pain and jealousy. And then that cycle of emotion would take place again after they posted their birth story. I know I'm not alone in those emotions. I know someone out there experienced them with my positive FET and will experience them again with the posting of my birth story. In some twisted way (I'm aware it's twisted), I feel like I should apologize.

But then a few friends and family convinced me that I should post - I owe to myself, I owe it to my baby, and I owe it to the people who read this blog. It's closure. Yes, we had to do IVF, yes we tried to conceive for 4 years, yes we've had our struggles. But I also realize that we are very lucky.

So what next? A sibling? Those of you who have read our blog know that we were planning to adopt if this FET was not a success. We had no intentions of going through more treatment, even though this was our first cycle. One of the comments/questions that is asked is now that our beautiful daughter has is here "Doesn't the pain and trials of it all (infertility) fade away?". My answer is no. I very strongly remember the emotions felt when our first attempt failed. I very strongly remember how all consuming going through an IVF cycle is. I very strongly remember how four years seemed lost as we were trying to conceive. And I am so grateful we made the decision to do it once, and now that she is here, I cannot imagine life without our daughter. But even as I gaze into her eyes, I can't say that we are going back for a second round. We'll probably make our "sibling" decision sometime in the fall.

May I introduce to you our beautiful Honey Bunny. That's what I find myself calling her.

I know I am beautiful, but please, no more pictures folks!