Ok, not exactly. This is actually a picture of Alex - I'm not sure the age. He is about 1/4-1/8 Russian. In fact, we have his great grandmother's wicker chest in our basement. It was all she had when she came over from Russia back in the day (not sure on the year). I bring this all up because we had our second adoption consultation with another agency this past week. They showed video from all the countries that they work with, including Russia. Most of the children look very similar to the above photo.
Unlike our first consultation, this one went great. They gave presentations on both domestic and international, and both women giving the presentation were adoptive parents. I won't bore with the details, but the end result is that Alex and I made some major decisions on our drive home.
We decided that we will probably pursue international adoption. In Michigan, the mother has 21 days to change her mind and that is AFTER the initial court date. Worst case situation, we could have the baby in our home for up to 3 months and then get him/her taken away. Yes, I know - plenty of domestic situations work out, but we've decided that we aren't willing to take the risk.
We will consider older children and sibling groups. We may continue to look into this domestically as well.
We will also consider international "Children in Waiting". These are children who are either older or may have mental, physical, or emotional issues (some correctable, some not).
We don't care about the gender.
I was amazed - Alex and my hearts were equally matched in this. There was no real discussion - only "I agree!", "I agree!" when we were going through the choices. And I am so proud of us. I'm proud of the size of our hearts - now that we are diving further and further in the process, we are realizing that adoption is a wonderful opportunity to give a child a life, and those that are often lower on the "wanted" list are the ones that may need a family the most. It feels good. We feel good.
So, of course, none of this is set in stone. We are attending another consultation this Tuesday and have a couple more set up. We are still gathering info about domestic, just to cover our basis.
Oh - one last random note. Last week, Alex and I had Chinese takeout for the first time in a long time. Guess what my fortune cookie said? - "Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure.". I kid you not. It inspired me to come up with a line of fortune cookies for us unsuccessful infertiles :-).
10 comments:
Wow, you have made so many decisions!! I'm so excited for you guys.
I totally understand about the fears of domestic adoption and opening yourself up to that potential heartache. In Texas it's only a 48 hour wait time, but that makes me nervous because it feels sort of cruel to the birth mother--48 hours seems so quick, and in the face of all those hormones...I'm so scared to be a part of something that could potentially cause someone (birthmom) heartache later on. None of this is easy and I wish we didn't have to think of ANY of it, but you're right--your hearts are HUGE. Any child will be lucky to have you as parents!
That was one of our biggest issues with domestic. I just couldn't deal with that 'what if'. We were about to sign w/ Lighthouse Adoptions (they're in MI) for Russia. They're really quick, fees are on par w/ everyone else, and Lorien (the owner) is really nice and dealt w/ IF too... fwiw...
That is the biggest downside to domestic imo as well. I couldn't bear having a baby in my home for 3 months (same here in KY as in MI) and then having the birth mother change her mind. My local friend adopted from FL where there is only a 48 hour window.
Good luck in your adoption pursuit!
Wow! I am so impressed. You both are amazing. I think adoption is a big leap for anyone to make and adopting siblings, older kids, or ones with special needs is a near impossible leap. That you would even consider it is a testament to the kind of quality people that you are. Keep us posted on how things go. I'm sending you lots of courage and support.
-sharon
I love feeling your excitement!! You and your DH sound so amazing and open. Your child will be so blessed and loved.
All my best for your next steps.
Very exciting!!!
I'm so glad that you guys are moving forward and opening your hearts. You will make such wonderful parents and any child will be lucky to have you!!
Wow, a different road in this IF journey... wish you the best on this.
Meanwhile, did you see the the 20/20 feature last Nov 28 about foreign adoption of what seems to be "children in waiting"? If not, could be a helpful data point for your research on this new road you are trekking...
Arpee @ The Saga of Becoming Fruitful
I love that you have so many options. I hope the decision making process is coming along nicely.
Hi! It's the first time that I read your blog and my biggest dream is to be a mom too! next week I'm going to have my first sonohystogram done, and I'm very nervous. I got pregnant once but I miscarriged at 4 months, since then never again. I keep all my hopes up and I know that is going to happen for us.
Good luck my friend!
and lot of baby dust for you.
Hi! I found your blog through other IF blogs....congrats on making such big decisions! Those days feel the best (to have a "plan") best wishes, I look forward to reading about your experience on this journey :-)
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