Thursday, September 4, 2008

43 - HPT=BFN 11dp3dt - Sept. 4th, 2008

So, for those of you not familiar with the crazy world of ivf acronyms, HPT=BFN 11dp3dt stands for "home pregnancy test equals big fat negative 11 days past the 3 day transfer". That happened today (as well as yesterday, 10dp3dt). Now I know - hpt's are evil when if comes to ivf, but I also know that the chance of them being accurate the day of the beta blood test is pretty high. So we are expecting bad news...but won't know for a fact until late afternoon early evening today. I just got back from the beta blood test.

The other strange thing is that last night I had this dream that I was doing all the things I can't do right now during the 2 week wait - I was running, eating crap and diet, caffeine soda, drinking beer, and vigorously doing housework (I love housework and it has actually been a challenge to not do it the past week...I know, I'm a freak that way). Not a great dream, obviously, because doing all those things would mean that we're not pregnant.

I will tell you that if it is confirmed negative with the beta, I am having a drink...or two, or three tonight. Although, I might consider going direct to a heroin addiction considering that I have become so proficient with the needle - kidding, of course...probably a distasteful joke, but I have to keep the humor some how :-). It will be devastating and I will probably turn off my phone, crawl onto the couch and drown myself in comfort food, soda, and Coronas for the next few days. But then I will get up, brush off, call CCRM and make plans for the frozen transfer (I'm so grateful for our two little "frosties"...another unofficial ivf term for frozen embryos which my husband hates, sorry babe). I'm strong - that's one thing I have realized through this process that I really didn't understand before. All couples who make it through a whole cycle of ivf (and of course, there are plenty of couples who make it through multiple cycles of ivf) are extremely strong individuals - there would be no way to make it through this otherwise.

So look for another post tonight. Hopefully with surprise good news, or perhaps with the expected news. Either way, we'll be okay...even if it takes a few days.


Anniep said...

crap crap crap crap crap.
Yes, those peesticks are eeevilll... can't wait to hear the beta, because it's at least closure for this cycle.
and yes, thank god for your frosties! Take care, and don't get too trashed w/ the coronas, k? :-)

Christi said...

I'm sorry! I'm hoping your beta will surprise you. Glad you have frosties. Hang in there...

DAVs said...

I'm really sorry! I know the pain of IVF failures (have had three) and am about to a fourth at CCRM (but our first there). I'm glad you have frozen embies, and really hoping you get a surprise with your beta today.

g said...

so sorry yout HPT is - .. i now that feeling all to well after 4 IVFs.. i am hoping that maybe there is a late implanter in there and you will get a big surprise tonight!! It awesome that you have your totsicles! i hope you wont need them for a while ;)