Monday, May 18, 2009

89 - It's the same, right?

I read in one of those pregnancy books this cute little suggestion that you should make the most of your time with your pets before the baby comes...that your relationship with your pet with never be the same. That's what I'm doing in the above pic - aside from trying real hard not to puke, I'm making the most of my time with my Kharma.

So the other night, DH and I were lying wide awake in bed. I hesitantly said "Please be honest with me. Have you thought "what have we done?" at any moment in the past two months?" Silence. Followed by a very comforting "Yes.". Thank goodness! I felt so much better. I have too. I've been reassured by many that this is a normal and healthy feeling, but for some reason, after going through infertility and trying so much harder than the average couple to make this happen, I didn't think we'd have those moments. I slept well that night, knowing that even though we have fears, at least we both have them.

The next morning, I was cuddling with Kharma on the loveseat at the top of the stairs while Alex was getting ready in our bathroom. Our conversation went something like (not exactly like, but you get the idea) the following:

ME: "You know how we leisurely wake up at 9AM, then Kharma sleeps till about 10:30AM at which point she often just quietly sits at the foot of the bed and waits for me to come get her? It's going to be the same with a baby, right?

HIM: Of course. And you know how when her food is gone, she just stares at you for while, and if you don't respond because she has already gotten her allocated food for the day, she eventually stops staring and goes and lays down under the end table. That's the same with baby, too?

ME: Absolutely. And you know how when it's raining how we skip out on the walk and instead just let her out in the backyard to do her business and then we pick it up about once week or so? Same right?

HIM: Sure. And you know how once every 6-8 weeks we hand her over to someone else to get groomed. Those services exist for babies, right?

ME: Why not? Oh and those last minute trips where we jet off to Europe for the weekend and call up grandma and gramps or L (also last minute) to take care of Kharma...same thing with the kid?

HIM: Ummmm.....

Ah well, we got a good laugh. I'm glad we are openly discussing our fears and concerns with a touch of humor.

We are sorting things out. Thanks for the helpful comments on the last post. Since then, DH has been great. He set little baggies of saltines in various locations around the house and refills them when they get empty (which happens a lot these days). He leaves Wednesday morning for a possible long stint away, so this morning he stocked the fridge with good food...he obviously did some research, informing me he got some walnuts "for the omegas" and dried ginger "for the tummy"...and he noticed my feet have been exceptionally dry, so he also picked up some Burt's Bees foot lotion. I loved all the gestures...they were very thoughtful. Not the typical "here's some flowers" to smooth things over, but gestures that were very specific to pregnancy - things I really need right now. I was impressed - even more impressed when I found him reading my "I'm Pregnant, Now what do I Eat?" book :-).


onwardandsideways said...

awwww... that's so sweet!

I wonder a lot what life will be like in 9 months. I always want to write 'assuming we get there...' when I write stuff like that, but maybe today I won't... : )

What is it with the dry feet? And dry skin in general? I cannot seem to get my feet moisturized and actually, I feel dry all over. Does being preggers dry you up or something?

Glad you're doing better. My nausea is better and worse all at once. Let intense queasiness, more real nausea and I must eat every 3-4 hours or I start to feel really weird.

Here's to more smooth sailing -- for both of us!

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

Protein. Make sure you have a little protein to help with the nausea. I was crazy sick (as in had to in for IV fluids due to the incessant puking sick) for months and I finally was told to just have a little protein. It helped, but I had to figure out what protein I could tolerate and what I could not. That is sweet he restocks the crackers and filled the fridge. Good man! And pets after the baby is not the same, but still good!

Sky said...

OMG! You always post something that is EXACTLY what I've gone through (this one a lot of folks go through, I understand).

Last summer, after months of treatments and waiting and writing big checks and praying for my mom to help (even though I don't believe in the afterlife), I got that elusive BFP. I showed my girlfriends the stick at dinner and then thought I would throw up from fear. I said to my girlfriend G, "OMG, I'm so scared - what was I thinking? I don't know if I really want this - the train has been moving so fast that maybe I forgot to get off earlier." And she said, "Sky, that is SO NORMAL. I felt that way with my first and second baby - everyone has that oh sh*t fear."

In the last couple of months, I've felt that way OFTEN - maybe it's because I really do feel as though the donor cycle will work and I'll be pregnant in 5 weeks.

You have a wonderful husband, family and friends and a pretty cool life (and the pup is fab!). Here's what people tell me and I believe it. Once that baby is in your arms, you will not imagine or wish for a life without him/her - it will be as if they've always been that critical part of your life and woven deeply into your heart.

I'm tickled pink (blue if it's a boy) for you! :)

Anonymous said...

OMG...I'm almost 7 months in and I still feel like I'm getting stuff ready for someone else. This can't be me, can it? How do I know what to do with a baby?? But then, I figure my mom did it and all my friends did it and somehow I will figure it out too. ha!

And, I know that my husband doesn't always see it this way, but I feel so loved when he takes care of things around the house, especially grocery shopping. Yay for you! That's really nice that Alex did that for you. And a FANTASTIC sign that you're getting morning sickness. I know it's not fun, but it's proof that your body is doing what it's supposed to do. My word of advice: eat a little bit all day long. If I got too hungry it became even harder to eat. I found that the "white food" diet worked well. Yogurt, Annie's Mac 'n' cheese, bananas, and potatoes all seemed fine. Fruit worked for me as well, but maybe that's just me. And don't worry about eating the same thing all the time. It usually doesn't last too long and your baby will be fine in the meantime. Good luck!!

DAVs said...

Ah, see, you're completely normal! In a totally good way.
That was a pretty funny conversation you guys had.

Sorry about the nausea, ugh. I hope it gets better.

coolcapmom said...

You can leave the baby and Kharma both with me at the last minute! I owe you a LOT of babysitting---not that I don't totally want to babysit this child, because you KNOW how I feel about this child.

I am so mortified by how little time I spend with my dogs now. Thinking about them, playing with them, etc. Sometimes, I think a week has passed and I have not petted them once. And then I feel terrible since they are getting up there in age. So give her a little extra lovin, but not too much, you don't want the fall to be too steep! BTW, I think this really happened much more after two, so hopefully, K will do better than my girls.

Blossom and Her Fruit said...

I had no idea people felt that way until this weekend. I went to see a play about infertility and the woman said the same thing and I was confused but here it is again and everyone is relating the same thing. So apparently it is normal. I know I'll be nervous and wondering what I got myself into too!

Sue said...

I think it is great that you are having those conversations with DH. Very healthy! And, your DH sounds so sweet now - so he now gets it, which is wonderful. You look so cute and snuggly with your puppy!

Phoebe said...

I had that, "OMG, what did we do" fear also when I was pregnant. I didn't get that it was a normal fear, either because no one told me so or I missed it. When you work so hard for conception, you lose site of what is normal. Pregnancy and raising children is supposed to be the hard part, not the getting pregnant part!!

That's so sweet about Alex! Way to go DH!!

Anniep said...

Your DH is fabulous, and so sweet w/ the saltine bags... only thing that helped my nausea/ death sickness was zofran, which I didn't get until 16w. Otherwise I just laid on the sofa and slept and tried not to puke. Awful. (but yay, right? we're supposed to be *HAPPY* about this right??? and we paid how much for this???)

Definitely not sure what we've gotten into here. 37w today and considered 'full term'. You mean there's a baby involved sometime soon? Sh!t.

Jill M. said...

I think we all have or will have those thoughts of reality once we're pg. We are so caught up in getting pg that the reality of raising a child for 18 yrs diminishes. I see kids causing their parents a tremendous amount of stress and think, do I really want that? A friend told me it is sooooo different when it's your own.

So wow, I'm very impressed by the little sweet things that Alex is doing! Happy for you!

Very cute pic of you and your doggie.

onwardandsideways said...

Hey Christina... I hope you are feeling better by now. How very odd, I also had a headache on Saturday (started as occasional throbbing on Friday night) and really bad nausea too. Also the worst I'd had yet. I ate small meals every 3-4 hours, that seemed to help. I had really lousy sleep on Friday night, nightmares. Slept much better on Saturday and now I feel much better.

We're symptom twins! :) Here's to week 12 and beyond!!