102- I beleive in cloning

Of myself, that is. In one circumstance - to watch my Sweet E while I'm gone.

We started with a babysitter. 10 hours a week. Today was her third day, and for the most part, we're pleased. B was selected after 8 resumes, 5 interviews, and 2 on-the-job interviews. Emmeline seems to like her. B takes "constructive suggestions" well and seems happy to be here. Today, E even made a sad face and leaned towards the door when she left. I trust E is safe. I trust that B is doing her best. But how could anyone love her as much as we do? Then I ran into a mom at the park near our house and shared my mommy guilt experiences with her. She's an elementary teacher. She reminded me - "I'm not their mom, but I still genuinely care for and love my students and try to do what's best for them.". Yes, B will be great once I get over my own stuff.

We celebrated her 9-month day today by a trip to the Chelsea Community Fair. She was quite interested in all the animals and especially liked the horses. She was pretty wiped by the time we made it to the carousel, but was a trooper nonetheless. It was fun, family day. Alex and I agreed that we need more of these. Often, when he is just home for a day or two, we spend most of that time running errands and "getting stuff done" - some of it necessary, some of it a waste when we take the time to look at the big picture of what's important.

E continues to progress fast in the gross motor skills area. Today, she started standing by herself for short periods of time. I bet she walks by ten months. Verbal skills, on the other hand....man, this kid is Q-U-I-E-T. I have no concerns about her cognition, social, or emotional development, but I am starting to get a little concerned about her lack of babbling. We are going to set up a hearing test in the next couple of weeks. I absolutely know she hears big sounds; it's the softer ones that concern me. When B came yesterday, she also commented how quiet E is and how unusual quiet our dog, Kharma, is for a shit-tzu. It's true - both are unusually quiet. Maybe our house is so peaceful and calm that we just raise peaceful, calm, and in these cases, quiet sentient beings? I like that explanation much better than a possible hearing problem.

I hear a little fussing on the monitor...and so the day begins.

101- Life with Little Miss E

Little Miss E - Her name is Emmeline Addison, and she is 9 months this week and....she is amazing.

The quick summary - She's crawling and cruising. She attempted to bail out of her crib a couple of weeks ago, so we moved the mattress down to the lowest setting. She's on the quiet side, but her favorite way of communicating is through laughter...and that makes me smile. She's just starting to understand "no" and evident today when I said "no" as she reached for our dog's food...and then that bottom lip began to quiver ever so lightly and I felt a bad mommy moment.

I continue to breastfeed, and I don't know how long we'll go for. I've stopped trying to set absolutes in regards to her, because if I've learned one thing in these past nine months, it is that there are no absolutes. Our night/napping schedule is finally down after several months of sneaking into the guest bedroom with her for her 2AM feeding then remaining nuzzled in there with her until the morning. I realized the need for a change when DH asked "Am I ever going to get to sleep with you again?". So she now not only sleeps in her crib, but will put herself to sleep (for the most part). Although this is now the right choice for us, looking back, I have to admit...I don't regret those precious nights nuzzled with her.

We have been doing cloth diapers. If you are interested in doing so, give it a try. Really, piece of cake.

As for DH and I, we are slowly but surely finding our balance as a couple and as parents. I will go back teaching in the fall. I will be gone about 18 hours a week...and I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I am looking forward to it. For me, it is the perfect job for raising kids. I'm technically "full-time" this semester in pay and in title. But "full-time" at a university is roughly 20 hours a week away from home. Then I will get a month off around the holidays and have off from April 14th - Sept. 8th. I'm grateful for it. I think with our lifestyle, Alex away 16 or so days a month, the away time for me is necessary. I find myself being a better parent even when I just get a couple hours away a day. When I go 3-4 days without anyone else to hold her even for a minute, I find myself burnt out and sometimes only taking care of basic needs...not the type of parent I had hoped to be.

So what next for the blog? I think I will start blogging about parenting Little Miss Emmeline. I miss blogging. I miss my blog world friends...and I so look forward to catching up with you all in the upcoming days.

I leave you with a 7 month pic...more to follow.