31 - Low Estradiol - August 12th, 2008

So I just got a phone call from the nurse...my estradiol is lower than they would like to see, so they are doubling my stimulation drugs starting tonight. I guess estradiol is an indication of how the follicles are responding to the drugs. Bummer. Another bummer is that based on the new doseage, I had to order more drugs...another $750.00 worth. Double bummer. So the hope is that by Thursday this estradiol number will have increased considerably. Again I am grateful that I am in the care of CCRM and they are really on top of this. As my friend put it - they really want to do everything in their power to help us have a baby.

As I a type this I am watching a storm approach over the mountains. The wind is really kicking up...another reminder that regardless of how much technology we have, Mother Nature still has the ultimate control.

30 - In Colorado/First Ultrasound - August 12th, 2008

I made it to Colorado. The drive was very smooth, with an overnight stop in Omaha. We are so fortunate to be staying with my friend's sister for the first week of this process. We are staying in a beautiful house - the back of the house is all windows and looks out onto the Rockies. Yesterday, when I was settling into our room, a deer came up about three feet from the bedroom window. And I hear there is a neighborhood black bear, which I am hoping to see... from a distance. This is a very peaceful location for these eggs to grow...

This morning was the first ultrasound at CCRM. It was good to see our nurse, Marsha. She gave me a big hug...I feel like we have a connection because I have emailed her so much since our last visit. The ultrasound and blood work went fine, although they are reluctant to give too much information at this point. I wanted to scream "THROW ME A BONE - I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE WRONG", but I understand their position - it is just to early to tell either way. I think the purpose of today's ultrasound was to get a baseline. I am waiting for a call back from the nurse about the blood work and to see if the doc wants to up the med doses.

In terms of the effects of the stim drugs - I did have a major headache the first day, but it is hard to tell if it was because of the stim drugs or because it was a particular day in my cycle (I happened to get it on the day I usually get a headache in my cycle). Last night I did start to notice some bloating, but I don't mind. To me, it is a sign that the eggs are growing.

Tomorrow is a day off from ultrasounds/blood work. The hubby and I are headed south to visit some of his distant relatives. It is suppose to be a beautiful drive, and I am looking forward to it. Thursday we resume with the ultrasounds and bloodwork, and, we just found out today, that my husband has to give a back-up sample in case something goes wrong with the sample he gives on the day of the retrieval.

So that's the latest. I stopped by Whole Foods after my ultrasound and made myself a nice salad to have for lunch. I totally deserve it...and so do my eggs. So I am going to have a little nap right now, then I am going to sit out on the deck, eat my salad, read a book, and be thankful that we are going through this process in the middle of the beautiful Rockies.

29 - Time to hit the road - August 10th

Well, I finished the painting I had been working on as a meditative/positive thinking art therapy. I finished it last night. This is a painting of my uterus and the multicell embryos that will hopefully try to implant. At first I thought it may be risky to paint this in case the procedure doesn't work, but then I realized that the chance of us at least getting to this stage is very high.

Time to hit the road. I may or may not post from Omaha depending on the internet situation.

28 - Abundant Support - August 9th, 2008

So today was the first day of three shots - Menopur in the morning, Gonal and Lurpon at night (and the Dexamethasone pill). Everything went fine and I really don't feel any side effects from the additional drugs yet.

We are so fortunate to have so many supportive friends and family as we go through this...all kinds of fun things happened this week. On Wednesday I received a package of candy and a music card wishing us luck from a long time friend from the place I use to work at. Then that night my husband gave me a very thoughtful care package - it contained color pencils and a sketchbook, a romance book that takes place in Italy, some dark chocolate, magazine, etc.. And then on Friday I received another care package from my three best friends (of 28 years) with, again, very thoughtful items - lounge pants, healthy food, a book about friendship, magazines, etc.. Then that night another good friend let me pick out one of her stuffed animals (I chose the stuffed unicorn) to take with me for comfort. I've put together a care package for the hubby, but I can't list the contents as he may read this before he receives it. Perhaps the best "good luck" send off came from my best friend's son. He drew me a picture. I was obviously in the middle of the picture, with two smallish people on each side. I asked my him who the one small person was. He said "your baby"...his smile was beaming ear to ear. He was the other small person in the picture. I'm bringing the picture with us to hang in our room in Colorado.

So as I get ready for bed the night before we head out west, I can say that I feel content, relaxed, and at peace. I feel nurtured and cared for - by myself and my loved ones. And I feel healthy. And I feel tired. Good night.

27 - Suppression Ultrasound - August 7th, 2008

So today was the day of my suppression ultrasound and blood work. This could not be completed through my ob/gyn office, so I again had to schedule through the hospital. I called as soon as my period arrived (Tuesday) and scheduled it for 7:15AM this morning. They did a external and trans vaginal ultrasound this time, checking to make sure the lupron was doing its job and suppressing any eggs from developing. I had to drink 48 ounces of water 1 hour prior to the test, but was allowed to go to the bathroom as soon as the external portion was complete, prior to the trans vaginal part. The Manifestation of the Devil (i.e. the speculum....see other posts to read about my relationship with that thing) was not used and it was a uneventful exam. It was a little uncomfortable having an ultrasound while I was only on Day 3 of my period and still bleeding a little heavy, but I got over it pretty quickly. The most exciting part of the exam was the following: when my lab tech confirmed my birthday (12/26/74), her eyes got huge. She has the EXACT same birthday - same year and everything. I'm going to take it as a sign that good things are about to come...

I also had blood drawn today - progesterone and estradiol. I gave my whole butterfly needle speech, and Hallelujah, the lab person listened to me and immediately used the butterfly needle and even thanked me for being so forward with that information. I seriously wanted to kiss her.

So then I just waited for my CCRM nurse to call with the results. She called at about 4PM est and said the blood work looked great, but she hadn't received the ultrasound results yet. I called the lab here in Michigan and the results were in...they faxed them as soon as I called. My CCRM nurse called back within a few minutes and said everything looked great and we were ready to go. Tonight I will cut the lurpon dose in half and continue with the dexamethasone. Then on Saturday, the fun begins. I will take a shot of Menopur in the morning (2 amps) and a shot of 150 of the Gonal-f in the evening (along with continuing the lurpon and the dexamethasone).

The CCRM nurse also informed me that the insomnia was a result of the lupron removing all the estrogen from my system. She said that the insomnia would go away as soon as I start the other drugs and informed me that I could take a sleeping aid, such as my all time favorite, Tylenol PM. I'm going to try to hold off and sleep on my own for now - the last two nights were a little better.

So the next step is to prepare to drive out to Denver. I'll probably post everyday now through the whole process out in Denver.

26 - Insomnia and side effects - August 2nd, 2008

So it is 3:17AM est and I am wide awake. I have actually been wide awake since 2:00AM, but gave it my good hour try in bed before making the decision to get up. This, unfortunately, is how it has been since I started the lurpon and dexamethasone on Sunday. The most aggravating issue about this is that I also can't sleep much during the day. I have never done speed before, but I can only imagine that this is what it feels like. I bet the drugs aren't solely to blame for the insomnia - I am sure there is a psychological element to it. When I do wake up, my mind starts spinning about the whole process and I can't seem to turn it off. Hopefully, in a day or two, I will be blogging about my solutions to this insomnia...but I haven't figured a solution out yet.

The one thing I did do is clear my plate for this weekend. I had intentions of going to a family reunion on Saturday and Sunday, but after not sleeping all week I realized that I should probably cancel in case I finally do crash this weekend. I already feel that just making the space to really take care of myself has alleviated some stress.

The other side effect I am experiencing is that I am bruising at the injection site (s). I read about this a little last night and found out that it is a result of jabbing the needle in too hard. I know I've been doing this - I just want to get it over with. One suggestion was to ice the injection site area. This numbs to area and makes it easy to put the needle in very slowly. So tonight I will give that a try.

The fertility diet has become a little more challenging as a result of starting the drugs - again, I think this is more psychological than physical. The best way I have found to deal with this and continue to stay on course is to address one meal at a time. I say to myself "Okay, I just have to drink my protein shake and eat my multi-grain toast and peanut butter for breakfast...then I will reevaluate at lunch.", rather than thinking about how I am going to need to deprive myself all day of foods I am starting to really want. If this fails, the mantra "it's for the baby" usually does the trick.

Overall, these side effects are minor. I am trying my best to go with flow and take care of myself at all costs, even if that means some serious breaches in social etiquette.

25 - First Night of Shots - July 27th, 2008

This morning I went to the hospital lab (because it is a Sunday and the office labs weren't open) and got my P4 drawn (progesterone). This was to make sure that I ovulated. SIDE NOTE: I begged the lab person to use a butterfly needle because I have bad veins...she refused because she was "so good". Guess what? She had to poke me in both arms before she got any blood...and did eventually use a butterfly needle. CCRM used butterfly needles as a standard practice..thank goodness. Anyway, the results were sent to CCRM within a couple of hours. I called the on-call nurse. She reviewed the lab results and gave me the go ahead to start the Lupron and Dexamethasone.

So tonight at 8PM I gave myself my first shot of Lupron...not painful at all, although the area around the shot got a little tender. CCRM has a link to videos (on the homepage of their website) that show you how to give the shots - very helpful. Also, I read somewhere that you should reward yourself after the shots so that they don't become a source of dread. I think this is a great idea and plan on coming up with a reward routine in the next couple of days. I just took my dexamethasone and now plan to head to bed. It feels good to finally get this process started and I am in great spirits.

Nothing other than the Lupron and Dexamethasone until my period starts (probably August 4th or 5th). Then I go in for an ultrasound and blood work here in Michigan. If these tests show that the Lupron has successfully shut down my ovaries, then the real fun begins...the stimulation drugs.