34 - Fourth Ultrasound and blood work - August 17th, 2008

So today was the fourth ultrasound and blood work. For the first time since the whole process has started, we felt really happy when we saw the ultrasound...lots of big eggs. She actually measured 14 eggs today, with about 8 of them looking close to mature (able to fertilize). We are also learning that the eggs really keep growing, so the number can increase at every ultrasound. As for my blood work, my estrogen came back at 1794 today...yikes...considering it was 891 yesterday. That is a really big jump in 24 hours - almost too big. So they cut my stim meds in 1/2 tonight. There is a chance we might trigger tomorrow night for a Wednesday retrieval.

I'm still feeling pretty well - just very tired and exceptionally hungry. The sun has finally come out after three days of rain (which wasn't bad at all - a great excuse to crawl under the covers and take long naps...as if large doses of hormones isn't enough of an excuse :-)). The hubby and I just came back from a long walk. Our 5th ultrasound (and hopefully last before retrieval)is tomorrow morning.

33 - Third ultrasound/ blood work - August 16th, 2008

The above picture is the view from the house we are staying at while we are in Colorado.

Today's ultrasound went better - the eggs are growing nicely. It looks like they will probably get 10 eggs with about 6-7 probably fertilizing. We were again reminded that it only takes 1 to make a baby. Now we are just waiting for the routine afternoon call about my blood levels. They might do the egg retrieval on Tuesday now...we'll know more tomorrow.

Today is the first day I'm starting to feel things physically - my stomach area is sore and I am pretty tired. I'm not bitchy, though (I confirmed this with my husband)...pretty sensitive, but at least not making other people's lives miserable :-).

Colorado is very rainy and cold today - 45 degrees. The hubby and I are having a bum day - just eating, surfing the net, reading, and watching movies. We have another ultrasound/ blood work date tomorrow.

32 - IVF=DRAMA FEST - August 14th, 2008

So this is the biggest thing I've learned so far...this process of ivf is one big roller coaster where all you can do is raise your hands high in the air, scream at the top of your lungs, and hope you don't get thrown off.

Today was our second ultrasound and blood work day. The minute the ultrasound tech started, my heart sank. You could tell that my eggs had not grown much at all since the previous ultrasound on Tuesday. I said "Wow, those are really small.". She said "Yes they are.". As soon as she left the room I looked at Alex and shook my head "Not good". He agreed. Then we met with the nurse to review the ultrasound. And, of course, I was already in tears by the time she entered the room. "This isn't good" I kept saying. She never denied that, but just said "We need to see what your estradiol level is this afternoon. If it hasn't climbed, we'll cancel the cycle.". I was devastated. I never knew that canceling the cycle at this point was even a possibility. I thought for sure we'd at least make it to implantation. WTF !(For those of you who aren't aware of what "WTF" means, ask someone. I'm trying to keep this site clean - which will probably become increasingly difficult as my hormones continue to surge :-)).

So I tried to hold it together through the blood work which, of course, was an impossible task. I asked the blood lab tech if she sees a lot of weepy women - "A ton", she said, "Those hormones do quite a job on you girls' bodies.". Then, if that wasn't torture enough (by the way, they even had trouble getting my vain with a butterfly needle today), I had to stick around for a physical. The physical went fine. By the time I got to the car I was sobbing. I totally blew my religious diet on a cheeseburger, french fries, and a diet pepsi at lunch...attempted sabotage on my uncooperative eggs...but then, by 3:00PM, there was a ray of hope...

The nurse called and said that my estradiol actually looked wonderful today - Up from 121 to 433...a great number indicating the possibility of good egg quality and continued growth. Alas, my cycle has not been cancelled.

So we have another day off tomorrow. Because my eggs are kind of growing slowly, they cancelled tomorrow's ultrasound...fine by me. We need a day to rest from all this drama. The next ultrasound will be Saturday morning. Oh, and because the eggs are growing slowly, retrieval will now be delayed several days. That's okay. I'm just grateful my estradiol went up today...baby steps...and back to my protien shakes and fresh fruit and vegetables after my lapse in diet behavior.

Welcome to the ivf drama fest!

31 - Low Estradiol - August 12th, 2008

So I just got a phone call from the nurse...my estradiol is lower than they would like to see, so they are doubling my stimulation drugs starting tonight. I guess estradiol is an indication of how the follicles are responding to the drugs. Bummer. Another bummer is that based on the new doseage, I had to order more drugs...another $750.00 worth. Double bummer. So the hope is that by Thursday this estradiol number will have increased considerably. Again I am grateful that I am in the care of CCRM and they are really on top of this. As my friend put it - they really want to do everything in their power to help us have a baby.

As I a type this I am watching a storm approach over the mountains. The wind is really kicking up...another reminder that regardless of how much technology we have, Mother Nature still has the ultimate control.

30 - In Colorado/First Ultrasound - August 12th, 2008

I made it to Colorado. The drive was very smooth, with an overnight stop in Omaha. We are so fortunate to be staying with my friend's sister for the first week of this process. We are staying in a beautiful house - the back of the house is all windows and looks out onto the Rockies. Yesterday, when I was settling into our room, a deer came up about three feet from the bedroom window. And I hear there is a neighborhood black bear, which I am hoping to see... from a distance. This is a very peaceful location for these eggs to grow...

This morning was the first ultrasound at CCRM. It was good to see our nurse, Marsha. She gave me a big hug...I feel like we have a connection because I have emailed her so much since our last visit. The ultrasound and blood work went fine, although they are reluctant to give too much information at this point. I wanted to scream "THROW ME A BONE - I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE WRONG", but I understand their position - it is just to early to tell either way. I think the purpose of today's ultrasound was to get a baseline. I am waiting for a call back from the nurse about the blood work and to see if the doc wants to up the med doses.

In terms of the effects of the stim drugs - I did have a major headache the first day, but it is hard to tell if it was because of the stim drugs or because it was a particular day in my cycle (I happened to get it on the day I usually get a headache in my cycle). Last night I did start to notice some bloating, but I don't mind. To me, it is a sign that the eggs are growing.

Tomorrow is a day off from ultrasounds/blood work. The hubby and I are headed south to visit some of his distant relatives. It is suppose to be a beautiful drive, and I am looking forward to it. Thursday we resume with the ultrasounds and bloodwork, and, we just found out today, that my husband has to give a back-up sample in case something goes wrong with the sample he gives on the day of the retrieval.

So that's the latest. I stopped by Whole Foods after my ultrasound and made myself a nice salad to have for lunch. I totally deserve it...and so do my eggs. So I am going to have a little nap right now, then I am going to sit out on the deck, eat my salad, read a book, and be thankful that we are going through this process in the middle of the beautiful Rockies.

29 - Time to hit the road - August 10th

Well, I finished the painting I had been working on as a meditative/positive thinking art therapy. I finished it last night. This is a painting of my uterus and the multicell embryos that will hopefully try to implant. At first I thought it may be risky to paint this in case the procedure doesn't work, but then I realized that the chance of us at least getting to this stage is very high.

Time to hit the road. I may or may not post from Omaha depending on the internet situation.

28 - Abundant Support - August 9th, 2008

So today was the first day of three shots - Menopur in the morning, Gonal and Lurpon at night (and the Dexamethasone pill). Everything went fine and I really don't feel any side effects from the additional drugs yet.

We are so fortunate to have so many supportive friends and family as we go through this...all kinds of fun things happened this week. On Wednesday I received a package of candy and a music card wishing us luck from a long time friend from the place I use to work at. Then that night my husband gave me a very thoughtful care package - it contained color pencils and a sketchbook, a romance book that takes place in Italy, some dark chocolate, magazine, etc.. And then on Friday I received another care package from my three best friends (of 28 years) with, again, very thoughtful items - lounge pants, healthy food, a book about friendship, magazines, etc.. Then that night another good friend let me pick out one of her stuffed animals (I chose the stuffed unicorn) to take with me for comfort. I've put together a care package for the hubby, but I can't list the contents as he may read this before he receives it. Perhaps the best "good luck" send off came from my best friend's son. He drew me a picture. I was obviously in the middle of the picture, with two smallish people on each side. I asked my him who the one small person was. He said "your baby"...his smile was beaming ear to ear. He was the other small person in the picture. I'm bringing the picture with us to hang in our room in Colorado.

So as I get ready for bed the night before we head out west, I can say that I feel content, relaxed, and at peace. I feel nurtured and cared for - by myself and my loved ones. And I feel healthy. And I feel tired. Good night.